Sooooooooooooo

We've moved in together. 

We even opened a joint account. 

It's been 4 months, 5 months. Shit I stopped counting. 

He doesn't try to touch me at all. 

I lay in bed and I told myself that I wouldn't initiate sex again. So it's been this long. 

I lay in bed at night and wish that he'd turn over and touch me. He just goes to bed. He tells me everyday he loves me, he wants me and he wants me to be happy. 

How can you mean all these things and not even wanna touch a person?

I take that back. He does touch me. We hold hands and even hug. He touches my hair and he kisses my forehead sometimes. We kiss goodbye in the mornings and we say we love each other. 

Sometimes we lay down and watch tv together. We'll cuddle and I'll lay in front of him but it doesn't do anything for him. He doesn't "respond" at all. 

We're just roomies that share a bed, I guess 

So yeah......

I know it's been forever....but things aren't much better

It's taken a year for him to get a prescription 

It took me to threaten to leave over and over 

I'm tired of it. 

Now to add insult to injury there's something I really want. 

Plastic surgery. 

Yeah I said it. I've never been comfortable with my body. I wasn't blessed with a big booty and that's always bothered me. 

He doesn't support me in this. As patient as I've been with all this, as much as I've given up?

 

I know it's not something that you hear everyday, that your gf wants plastic surgery but I do. And I need his support in this. It's going to happen. 

Now if I have to do this alone...there won't be an us...

Yep.....things are still bad

I'm not going to reiterate all the problems...if you read this blog then you already know. 

So he went to the doctor FINALLY. But we found out that he had seriously high BP and needs to take medication. 

I should be happy, right?

Well.......(and here's where the selfish me rears her ugly head) the medicine he was prescribed has a few side effects. 

Can you guess what one of them are?!? 

E muthafuckin D 😩😩😩

At this point I want to kill myself. 

Not really but you know what I mean. 

So 2 weeks ago we tried it. It just was a disaster. The foreplay was awkward, he did something mid act that pissed me off, then he caught a "Charlie Horse" which is total bs! I believe he faked that to hide the fact that he was losing his erection. 

Why do I think that?

Because when I tried to get on top he fought against it...telling me his leg hurt too much. 

I'm fresh outta fuckin patience.....and I've been thinking about/fantasizing about past partners. 

Now I'd never do something like that...but it's getting harder and harder. 

I'm at the end of my rope 

So I know that I've been gone a while... 1/27/2014

I'm going to just post some screenshots to sum up how my day has been..... 

Only took a year to get to this point. What made this happen? Let's go back to Sunday morning shall we?

Well even before that...my birthday was recently and guess what? I couldn't even get any. I drank too much and I wasn't feeling well the night of. But the next day when my hangover was over...you'd think? No. 

I sat there on the sofa in a Tshirt.....nothing more. Nothing happened. 

So the next weekend we were out and when we came home I got undressed in front of him...put on a Tshirt and got in bed. In the most haphazard unsensual way...he starts rubbing my stomach. Stomach. The part of my body that he knows I hate the most. He's laying behind me and he's not getting hard...no matter how much I rub and roll on him. 

So I fell asleep. 

The next morning I woke up in a very bad mood...for obvious reasons. On the ride home I start throwing hints at why I was in a mood. Before you know it I just snapped! I'm screaming and cursing and beyond control! 

It took me to react this way before he decides to really take me seriously. 

The worst part of all this? 

The closeness, the intimacy, the connection.....it's all gone 

This makes me sad.

This makes me cry. 

This makes me feel like even if he "fixes this" that I've already checked out physically. 

I've been trying to hold on to what little bit of us that I remember. The part of us that was fun and sexy. The part of us that made me squeal like a 21 year old with stories to tell my friends. 

That part is all gone now...I don't know how to get it back. 

No we're not an old married couple. No we haven't been together for years shacking up.

Our second anniversary isn't until June.